NightRythm (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
nightrythm) wrote2004-07-14 04:02 pm
nightrythm) wrote2004-07-14 04:02 pm
Entry tags:
Another one bites the dust
My Great Aunt died yesterday. She was my paternal grandmother's only surviving sibling. She had Alzheimer's. The last few years were hard on everyone.
This doesn't change the fact that I feel like crap. I hadn't seen her since before her husband died (almost 10 years ago?). She was the person everyone in the family said I looked like.
The last picture I saw of her was after the Alzheimer's had set in. She had that same lost look my Grandmother used to have. She also had my grandmother's jowels. *wry chuckle* At least now I know what I'll look like in my 80's. Egads, she may have made it into her 90's. I don't even know.
I should know shit like that. I should have visited with her, even if she didn't know me. I should have gone to my uncle's funeral. All these should's and I'm still thinking of not going to her funeral.
I don't want to make the 5 hour drive to Vegas. I sure as hell don't want to do it all in the same day. I can't make a weekend out of it or anything. I have a wedding Saturday. Hell, I don't even know for sure yet when the funeral will be. I just know they're shooting for friday. *sigh*
And flying, yah, that requires more $$ than I have. I just don't want to. But I miss her. I cried when I found out she was gone. She's like that last piece of my childhood. She's the last link I had to my grandmother - to the people who surrounded me with love and made me feel safe when I was little.
She always wore her hair in a high bun - with her cat's eye glasses sweeping away from her face. She usually had jeweled combs in her hair. She always had a sparkle in her eye and was ready to laugh. Gods, I'm going to miss her.
The question is, why didn't I miss her before?
This doesn't change the fact that I feel like crap. I hadn't seen her since before her husband died (almost 10 years ago?). She was the person everyone in the family said I looked like.
The last picture I saw of her was after the Alzheimer's had set in. She had that same lost look my Grandmother used to have. She also had my grandmother's jowels. *wry chuckle* At least now I know what I'll look like in my 80's. Egads, she may have made it into her 90's. I don't even know.
I should know shit like that. I should have visited with her, even if she didn't know me. I should have gone to my uncle's funeral. All these should's and I'm still thinking of not going to her funeral.
I don't want to make the 5 hour drive to Vegas. I sure as hell don't want to do it all in the same day. I can't make a weekend out of it or anything. I have a wedding Saturday. Hell, I don't even know for sure yet when the funeral will be. I just know they're shooting for friday. *sigh*
And flying, yah, that requires more $$ than I have. I just don't want to. But I miss her. I cried when I found out she was gone. She's like that last piece of my childhood. She's the last link I had to my grandmother - to the people who surrounded me with love and made me feel safe when I was little.
She always wore her hair in a high bun - with her cat's eye glasses sweeping away from her face. She usually had jeweled combs in her hair. She always had a sparkle in her eye and was ready to laugh. Gods, I'm going to miss her.
The question is, why didn't I miss her before?
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i have no good answers to your questions.
but i am here if you need me.
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*hug*
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