2003-12-19

nightrythm: (Default)
Boy am I cranky. I want to throw a temper tantrum! Actually, I wanna go somewhere and throw things. Tear a whole room apart, knock over book cases, hurl vases across the room. Maybe even trow something big through a window.

I need to burn off this energy. I want to thoroughly destroy, mangle and otherwise savage stuff. And I don't know what to do about it.

Worse yet, I don't know what's causing it. I'm just sitting here trying to work, getting crankier and crankier. I am constantly irritated by my co-workers and their lack of understanding of how to use the tools they've been given.

Every complaint, every question, causes my shoulders to tense, my head to hurt and my blood pressure to rise. But the funny thing is, I'm sure it has less to do with work that it does with my personal life.

But I don't know. I'm just so frustrated.

It pisses me off that my honey doesn't like my high school friends. They're good people and they're fun. No, they aren't exactly the type of people that I would hang out with now, if I didn't already know them. But it feels like he's not even bothering to find commonalities with them. All he has to do is put forth a little bit of effort and he would enjoy himself. Instead, every time there's a get together, he gets that "do I have to?" air about him. He shrugs, he agrees, but he is always soooo fucking relieved when something else comes into play and we don't go.

I love these people. They were my friends when no one else would talk to me. They're the reason I didn't make a serious effort to off myself in High School. They told me I was beautiful until I finally believed it. They taught me to be confident in myself. They taught me to flirt. They taught me I was lovable.

I owe them. They are my connection to who I once was. And they are the thread to who I am now. When I was heartbroken and lost, they took me in. They gave me a save haven into faire. Without them, I never even would have met Patch. Because, even though Boober introduced us, I probably wouldn't have seen Boober for another couple of years after I originally met him.

This is why they matter to me. These girls have been a presence at the advent of almost every significant event of my "adult" life.

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NightRythm

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