2004-03-08 14:12![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
nightrythm
nightrythmI am a Leo. According to Meyers-Briggs I am Extroverted (69.44%), Sensing (57.58%), Feeling (55%), Judging (51.35). This means that I am a judgmental, snarky, bitch who is the center of her own universe. I am also a generous, compassionate and loving friend, who bends over backwards to make the people in her life happy.
My life is a dichotomy. The voices in my head regularly contradict each other. Whenever something is put before me, I’m usually of two, three or even four minds about it.
I often have deeply emotional and visceral responses to the challenges that cross my path. I cry when someone says they don’t like me. Even when I don’t know them. Even when, after I’ve thought about it, I realize I don’t give a damn about this stranger’s opinion. But that doesn’t change the fact that I cried and felt unlovable.
I am also deeply logical. I have been taught to take life on with an analytic mind. If a then b, if b then c, therefore a=c. After I have been swamped by emotion, I look at myself through a lens of reason. Why am I so emotional over this? Then I judge, balancing the context with the response. Is this a reasonable response? Can I choose to embrace one emotion over another? Should I just accept it and move on?
I am the daughter of a woman with 50’s Catholic sensibilities on life. My mother disapproves of modeling. She finds it akin to prostitution. She finds it distasteful for a woman to sell her body to be ogled by men. I periodically find some of her sexual mores lodged deep in my psyche - usually when I least expect it.
I am also a modern woman of our time. I believe that love isn’t delineated by gender alone. I believe that polygamous relationships are possible, if a lot of work. I believe that consenting adults can do what they please in the bedroom, even if that means blood and violence.
I continually find that in the “real world” I’m “other”, a radical and a maverick, who walks to the beat of a different drum. And yet, around my friends, I am vanilla. I am mainstream and mostly “normal”.
So this is me. I am yin/yang, within myself.
My life is a dichotomy. The voices in my head regularly contradict each other. Whenever something is put before me, I’m usually of two, three or even four minds about it.
I often have deeply emotional and visceral responses to the challenges that cross my path. I cry when someone says they don’t like me. Even when I don’t know them. Even when, after I’ve thought about it, I realize I don’t give a damn about this stranger’s opinion. But that doesn’t change the fact that I cried and felt unlovable.
I am also deeply logical. I have been taught to take life on with an analytic mind. If a then b, if b then c, therefore a=c. After I have been swamped by emotion, I look at myself through a lens of reason. Why am I so emotional over this? Then I judge, balancing the context with the response. Is this a reasonable response? Can I choose to embrace one emotion over another? Should I just accept it and move on?
I am the daughter of a woman with 50’s Catholic sensibilities on life. My mother disapproves of modeling. She finds it akin to prostitution. She finds it distasteful for a woman to sell her body to be ogled by men. I periodically find some of her sexual mores lodged deep in my psyche - usually when I least expect it.
I am also a modern woman of our time. I believe that love isn’t delineated by gender alone. I believe that polygamous relationships are possible, if a lot of work. I believe that consenting adults can do what they please in the bedroom, even if that means blood and violence.
I continually find that in the “real world” I’m “other”, a radical and a maverick, who walks to the beat of a different drum. And yet, around my friends, I am vanilla. I am mainstream and mostly “normal”.
So this is me. I am yin/yang, within myself.
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