I'm surprised at myself...

[nightrythm]

So I just found out that another friend has herpes. Which really doesn't seem like such a big deal. I mean it's not something to ostracize anyone over or anything.

But I'm wigged out. It's just that there are four people *that I know of* in this particular social circle who have herpes. Which again doesn't seem all that strange or wrong... except that this group is sexually active within itself.

I think that is what bothers me about it. While I never had sex with these folks, I certainly engaged in sexual activity. Hmmmm.. on second thought, I guess I did have sex with some of them. And at the time, I didn't know that anyone had any sexual diseases. I assumed they were all clean, responsible adults. (Not that I am saying anyone is irresponsible...I'm just trying to explain how I feel)

Now it bothers me to think that I put myself at risk. I am actually kind of angry, with myself, for putting myself in that position. I'm having this whole skin crawly thing going on right now. To think I could have gotten that close to someone who has an STD.

There is always some kind of risk associated with sexual activity. But there is less risk when you're active in an uninfected group. The risks, I think, increase a lot more as each person becomes infected. Especially with something like Herpes, which can be transfered even if no lesions are visible.

That's why I'm not just cranky at me. I'm kinda cranky at the whole group for continuing to put themselves and others at risk. I realize that my reaction is probably over the top. But there is some little part of me that thinks that if you're infected you should take yourself out of the game. You shouldn't be playing with others. I mean, for gods sakes you could make someone else sick.



Intellectually, I know that there is informed consent. I know that each adult decides which risks they are willing to take. And despite my rant and my feelings of anger and revulsion, I haven't changed how I feel about my friends. I am not judging them. I love them. I feel badly that they now have this added thing they have to deal with. But, I don't think any less of them. I do not view them as bad people, or as immoral people or any of that stuff.

I will still hug them and kiss them. I will still offer them my support. I will still hope and pray that their dreams come true. I will still stand by them come what may.

Comments

[lizzc.livejournal.com]

teaa really expressed the rational points that if I wasn't so angry I would try to make. I am hurt.

I am so sorry...

[nightrythm]

I'm sorry that my freak out came at this time. This probably won't make you feel any better, but it's not about you. I am having trouble with my own internal view of myself, and the things I've done. That's all.

I'm sorry.

Re: I am so sorry...

[nakeygirl.livejournal.com]

This is where LJ turns into a big mess. It's YOUR journal, where everyone claims you can express whats on your mind, pc at the time or not, and everyone says post whats on your mind, but then you do, and its not pc and they freak out.
I know that my friends who have herpes were not happy when they found they got it, but that they are now dealing with this part of their lives and trying to make the best of it, and before they caught it that it was something they hoped to avoid. It can be a subject that freaks people out. Most of my friends are open about it, at least I know several who are open about it, but its not something one actively tries to catch. I'm glad my friends are open, they are trying to live healthy lives and keep their partners informed.They havearight to continue life.
But really, I think Xana hasa right to express her feeling in her own damn journal. Is your every thought pc? no. Some people hate that I have a child, another std some would say. I'm fucking brown skinned, and that's not contagious but people judge on it,and let me tell you, being pregnant and brown? that was interesting in a white neighborhood. Now i'm off subject...
There is a sense of fear that it raised in people, knowing it happened here w/in the family. It was unexpected. It could have been HIV and that would mean loss of people who are loved.hence asense of "that was close" but fortunately ,its only an inconveniently placed cold sore (is there a convenient place for one really?) and you can continue on and are managing to. If someone expresses fear, inform them of facts abot it. knowledge fights fear better than anger.
if anyone is now pissed at me for being pissed that people want to tell someone how to feel, tough. The thought police don't exist, or so I thought.

Re: I am so sorry...

[stacymckenna.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I wish people could remember this more often.

Re: I am so sorry...

[teaa.livejournal.com]

People may or may not freak out about the PC ness in someone else's journal. But that doesn't change the fact that it's a public forum. Of course you can say whatever you want. But you also have comments section so that people can respond however they want. You can't say that it's okay for someone to express an opinion in their journal but it's not okay for someone else to have their feelings hurt. Or that they shouldn't respond with how they feel also. If you express something strongly and publicly there are going to be people who respond strongly and publicly. I never said that Xana has no right to feel the way she does, but that doesn't change the fact that Lizz and I also have a right to feel hurt about the statements in these posts.

You have every right to talk about your child, just like other people have a right to talk about population control.

I love you so much, and I'm not attacking you here. I'm just saying that if you're going to stand up for Xana's right to be public about her feelings you can't deny other people's rights to have a reaction about those feelings.