I'm surprised at myself...

[nightrythm]

So I just found out that another friend has herpes. Which really doesn't seem like such a big deal. I mean it's not something to ostracize anyone over or anything.

But I'm wigged out. It's just that there are four people *that I know of* in this particular social circle who have herpes. Which again doesn't seem all that strange or wrong... except that this group is sexually active within itself.

I think that is what bothers me about it. While I never had sex with these folks, I certainly engaged in sexual activity. Hmmmm.. on second thought, I guess I did have sex with some of them. And at the time, I didn't know that anyone had any sexual diseases. I assumed they were all clean, responsible adults. (Not that I am saying anyone is irresponsible...I'm just trying to explain how I feel)

Now it bothers me to think that I put myself at risk. I am actually kind of angry, with myself, for putting myself in that position. I'm having this whole skin crawly thing going on right now. To think I could have gotten that close to someone who has an STD.

There is always some kind of risk associated with sexual activity. But there is less risk when you're active in an uninfected group. The risks, I think, increase a lot more as each person becomes infected. Especially with something like Herpes, which can be transfered even if no lesions are visible.

That's why I'm not just cranky at me. I'm kinda cranky at the whole group for continuing to put themselves and others at risk. I realize that my reaction is probably over the top. But there is some little part of me that thinks that if you're infected you should take yourself out of the game. You shouldn't be playing with others. I mean, for gods sakes you could make someone else sick.



Intellectually, I know that there is informed consent. I know that each adult decides which risks they are willing to take. And despite my rant and my feelings of anger and revulsion, I haven't changed how I feel about my friends. I am not judging them. I love them. I feel badly that they now have this added thing they have to deal with. But, I don't think any less of them. I do not view them as bad people, or as immoral people or any of that stuff.

I will still hug them and kiss them. I will still offer them my support. I will still hope and pray that their dreams come true. I will still stand by them come what may.

Comments

[nightrythm]

Yet we know that 1 in every 5 or 6 people over the age of 18 has herpes. So you do the math. Think about how many people are in our group. Of course some of us have herpes.

Actually, I didn’t know. Now, I understand why so many of my friends, even outside the group, have herpes.

If you assume everyone is responsible then you're not being responsible. You need to protect yourself in whatever ways you feel necessary. You can't assume that everyone else is as careful as you want them to be.

Very true. Hence, why I am angry at myself. Because I should have taken the responsibility of informing myself.

”To think I could have gotten that close to someone who has an STD.”

Ouch. Please by all means Xana. Keep yourself from getting that close to someone because they caught an STD.

You mis-understand. I meant getting close to somone sexually – being intimate with them, while I was unaware.

What exactly are you trying to say with that?! That I should never have sex again? That I should never have sex with someone who isn't already infected? Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds? That because you want to feel safer about your fooling around, I shouldn't be allowed to.

Yes, as a matter of fact I do realize how rediculous that sounds. That’s why I said “there is a little part of me”, this is not the belief of my whole being. And it is most certainly not the controlling part of my rational mind. This is the voice in me that was freaking out.

I can't believe after using words like revulsion you think you can turn this post around and act like you're still supportive. Sorry, but you don't get to tell people how unclean they are and that they shouldn't be continuing a normal life, and then act like you're still a good friend.

I’m sorry you mis-understood me. The revulsion I feel is withing myself, about myself. You do not repulse me. Please understand that.

I should not have used the word clean to mean disease free. It was insensitive of me. But I certainly never said you could not or should not continue a normal life. Again, I said that a “small part of me” felt like that. But it’s only the smallest part. I’m sorry that my internal turmoil, which is deeply founded in my puritanical beliefs, should hurt you.

I don’t know how to make it clear that I still love you and support you. I’m sorry.

[teaa.livejournal.com]

I reacted quickly and with hurt feelings. I still feel like I made a bunch of valid points but I should've gone with the more discussion friendly "I feel" statements. I understand that you're scared about the consequences of yours and other people's actions. I just wish you'd be more careful how you express your fear, because some of the things you said are what I'm most scared of hearing from anyone, especially my friends.

I don't hate you. I accept your apology. I offer my own apology for any harshess in my response.

I will admit though that my feelings are still bruised.

[nightrythm]

{{Hugs}} Thank you and I'm sorry.