2004-03-08 09:08![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
nightrythm
nightrythmSo I just found out that another friend has herpes. Which really doesn't seem like such a big deal. I mean it's not something to ostracize anyone over or anything.
But I'm wigged out. It's just that there are four people *that I know of* in this particular social circle who have herpes. Which again doesn't seem all that strange or wrong... except that this group is sexually active within itself.
I think that is what bothers me about it. While I never had sex with these folks, I certainly engaged in sexual activity. Hmmmm.. on second thought, I guess I did have sex with some of them. And at the time, I didn't know that anyone had any sexual diseases. I assumed they were all clean, responsible adults. (Not that I am saying anyone is irresponsible...I'm just trying to explain how I feel)
Now it bothers me to think that I put myself at risk. I am actually kind of angry, with myself, for putting myself in that position. I'm having this whole skin crawly thing going on right now. To think I could have gotten that close to someone who has an STD.
There is always some kind of risk associated with sexual activity. But there is less risk when you're active in an uninfected group. The risks, I think, increase a lot more as each person becomes infected. Especially with something like Herpes, which can be transfered even if no lesions are visible.
That's why I'm not just cranky at me. I'm kinda cranky at the whole group for continuing to put themselves and others at risk. I realize that my reaction is probably over the top. But there is some little part of me that thinks that if you're infected you should take yourself out of the game. You shouldn't be playing with others. I mean, for gods sakes you could make someone else sick.
Intellectually, I know that there is informed consent. I know that each adult decides which risks they are willing to take. And despite my rant and my feelings of anger and revulsion, I haven't changed how I feel about my friends. I am not judging them. I love them. I feel badly that they now have this added thing they have to deal with. But, I don't think any less of them. I do not view them as bad people, or as immoral people or any of that stuff.
I will still hug them and kiss them. I will still offer them my support. I will still hope and pray that their dreams come true. I will still stand by them come what may.
But I'm wigged out. It's just that there are four people *that I know of* in this particular social circle who have herpes. Which again doesn't seem all that strange or wrong... except that this group is sexually active within itself.
I think that is what bothers me about it. While I never had sex with these folks, I certainly engaged in sexual activity. Hmmmm.. on second thought, I guess I did have sex with some of them. And at the time, I didn't know that anyone had any sexual diseases. I assumed they were all clean, responsible adults. (Not that I am saying anyone is irresponsible...I'm just trying to explain how I feel)
Now it bothers me to think that I put myself at risk. I am actually kind of angry, with myself, for putting myself in that position. I'm having this whole skin crawly thing going on right now. To think I could have gotten that close to someone who has an STD.
There is always some kind of risk associated with sexual activity. But there is less risk when you're active in an uninfected group. The risks, I think, increase a lot more as each person becomes infected. Especially with something like Herpes, which can be transfered even if no lesions are visible.
That's why I'm not just cranky at me. I'm kinda cranky at the whole group for continuing to put themselves and others at risk. I realize that my reaction is probably over the top. But there is some little part of me that thinks that if you're infected you should take yourself out of the game. You shouldn't be playing with others. I mean, for gods sakes you could make someone else sick.
Intellectually, I know that there is informed consent. I know that each adult decides which risks they are willing to take. And despite my rant and my feelings of anger and revulsion, I haven't changed how I feel about my friends. I am not judging them. I love them. I feel badly that they now have this added thing they have to deal with. But, I don't think any less of them. I do not view them as bad people, or as immoral people or any of that stuff.
I will still hug them and kiss them. I will still offer them my support. I will still hope and pray that their dreams come true. I will still stand by them come what may.
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